Gr8 Walrus (gr8walrus) wrote in beyblade_yaoi,
Gr8 Walrus
gr8walrus
beyblade_yaoi

Hi all! I'm a long time reader of Beyblade fanfic, but this is the first time I've actually written a story myself :P It's a multi-chapter story, and this is the first chapter (well DUH). Anyway, because I've only just become a member at fanfiction.com, I need to wait 2 days before they let me post anything, which means you lovely guys and gals get to read my story first! (Hopefully this is a good thing!) It's very dark/angsty, but it's got all the appropriate warnings and labels and such. Just think before you click, ok?

DisclaimerSadly, kaitalaforever/gr8walrus does not own the Beyblade series, nor the Beyblade peeps. She does this purely for enjoyment and gets no money whatsoever.

Warnings: ***MASSIVE trigger warning for anyone who struggles with self-harm/suicidal ideation. The story gets quite graphic in parts. Consider yourselves appropriately warned.***
Also, I am a perverted soul, and the chance of a lemon or two popping up in later chapters is almost guaranteed. Basically, if you consider yourself a precious little snowflake, I suggest you hit the ‘x’ button and read something fluffy before you’re scarred forever.

Rating: M. Oh so very M.

Pairing: Kai/Tala



Kai sat at the kitchen table with both hands wrapped around a cup of strong, black coffee. Rather loud rock music was blaring from upstairs, and every beat of the bass pounded into his already aching skull. Oh yes, the great Kai Hiwatari, was hung-over. He groaned inwardly, ‘Ugh, I didn’t even drink that much last night, and I drank a gallon of water before bed. I never get hung-over. Never. Fucking tequila.’ He sipped the coffee and winced as another particularly loud and angsty track blasted from Tala’s room upstairs. His room was just down the hall, and right now, he wished he had listened to the red-head’s advice and paid a little extra for sound-proofing. He wasn’t quite sure what was up with Tala lately. He had been somehow…different to usual. Neither of them was, or had ever been exactly happy-go-lucky, but somehow there had been a subtle shift in Tala’s mood, from just generally aloof to almost purposely isolating himself. He had wanted to ask Tala about it, but emotions were not his forte, and he still hadn’t figured out how to bring it up without seeming like a complete idiot. He and Tala never really talked about emotions anyway. Sure they had them, but having had it beat into them that emotions are for the weak still made them somewhat hesitant to share, even though the events of the Abbey were long in the past. Mostly, they could read each other just by eye contact and a raising of an eyebrow. That’s what happens when you’ve known someone your whole life I guess. He knew Tala was haunted by memories of Boris and the Abbey. Hell, he was too. That wasn’t a weakness, that’s just what happens when you live in hell for most of your life. At least that’s what Kai’s therapist said, and she hadn’t lied to him yet so even though every fibre of his being called him out on being afraid, he took her word for it whenever she said that fear does not always equal weakness. “FUCK!” Kai exclaimed out loud, as yet another song with a heavy baseline started up. ‘That’s it. Ivanov is turning that fucking music down, whether he likes it or not.’


Meanwhile, Tala was sat on the cool bathroom tiles in the ensuite to his room. Sobbing uncontrollably, he said a silent thanks to the blaring music for covering up the sound of his blubbering. Imagine if Kai heard him, or even worse, saw him, in this state. Fucking pathetic is what it is. Tala had always been plagued with nightmares and flashbacks from the Abbey, but lately, they’d reached a whole new level of intense. He had at least one flashback episode every damn day for the past 3 months, usually more, and sleep continued to elude him. Even when he did sleep, his nightmares were so intense that he rarely slept for more than an hour at a time before waking, drenched in sweat and heart beating so fast that he thought it would burst out of his chest at any second. Tala knew Kai was in therapy for this sort of thing, but he could never bring himself to get the same sort of help. He was Tala Ivanov. Captain of the Blitzkrieg Boyz and three time world championship runner-up (fucking Tyson). He was supposed to be invincible, in control, and perfect. He took another swig from the vodka bottle. Straight up, no chaser. He was Russian after all. Tala rolled the sleeves of his jacket up and lightly ran his fingers over the cuts on his forearms. They weren’t that deep, none required stitches anyway, and they were all in various states of healing. They ran across his arms, like notches. For the past few months, they had been enough. They had given him the strength to get through the night and following day. But like all things in life, their magic had worn off. Tala ran through in his mind what he was about to do, and the consequences that would likely follow. He knew people would probably be a bit sad, but they would get over it. In time. Besides, once they got over the initial shock, they would be grateful that they didn’t have to deal with him anymore. Once again, the thought of leaving a note, an explanation of his actions, crossed his mind, but he dismissed it. He didn’t want to explain himself, and the one person he would want to know the reasons behind everything would already understand anyway. Kai, the name ghosted over his lips, and Tala smiled a small smile before dissolving into sobs again. Tala had loved Kai from the moment he met him. Whenever they were together his heart swelled with emotions that he could never even hope to express. Emotions had never been his forte. Every night his heart ached to have his arms wrapped around Kai, keeping him safe as he slept, and after every flashback, Tala longed to bury his head in Kai’s chest and scream and cry until the memories returned to where they belonged. Tala would give anything to hear Kai utter the words “I love you Tala” and for him to return the favor. But they had been living together for 18 months now, and Kai had not shown the slightest interest in him beyond friendship. Tears rolled freely down Tala’s cheeks as he picked up the cold, steel razor. “I’m just so…tired,” he said, to no-one in particular. He took the razor and ran it down his wrist, stopping at about mid-forearm. The bright red gushing blood signaling he had hit his target, first go, as always. He chuckled faintly to himself as he remembered the saying ‘remember kids, it’s down the road not across the street, if you want to make it count.’ He felt himself becoming dizzy, so he quickly did the same to the other wrist and let the razor fall to the floor. It made a slight clink as it hit the bathroom tiles. Tala leaned back against the wall, and allowed the feelings of relief and…happiness? Yes, happiness wash over him. This was it. Peace, freedom and happiness. All he had ever longed for. He felt a blissful darkness come over him, and whispered “ya lyublyu tebya Kai” as he closed his eyes and slumped over onto his side.


Kai hammered on Tala’s bedroom door. “Tala, turn that fucking music down!” he yelled. No reply. More hammering. “Tala I swear to fucking God, if you do not open this fucking door and turn that fucking music down, I will break the fucking lock and then I will fucking break YOU!” Still no reply. ‘Odd,’ thought Kai. ‘I would have at least expected a stream of profanities from the other side of the door.’ But there was nothing. Kai felt a slight pang of worry in his chest. His instincts told him something wasn’t right. Deciding this was reason enough to break the lock as threatened; Kai gave the door an almighty whack with his hip and shoulder, easily splintering the lock. “Tala?” He called. The red-head wasn’t in here. Kai turned the stereo off and saw the bathroom light was on. Kai rolled his eyes; Tala took longer than a girl to get ready in the morning. His appearance was very important to him. “Tal, hurry the fuck up I need to talk to you,” Kai said. It was then that he cast his eyes downward and saw a ghostly white hand protruding from the doorway. Kai again rolled his eyes. Come to think of it, it DID reek of booze in here. Tala must have been hurling his guts up and passed out next to the toilet. But then he noticed the pool of blood forming around Tala’s hand and wrist, and his eyes widened as he rushed into the ensuite. “Jesus fucking Christ Tala, what the fuck have you done? Oh Christ, oh fuck, oh FUCK!” he yelled as he grabbed the nearest towel and using both hands, put pressure on Tala’s wounds. “Tala! What the fuck? What. The. Fuck!” tears were pricking his eyes, but he didn’t care. He pulled one of Tala’s arms to his side so he could use his knee to put pressure on the wound, and then checked for a pulse. “Tala, you son-of-a-bitch, you fucking son-of-a-bitch! Don’t you dare, don’t you fucking dare!! You hear me?! Don’t you fucking dare!” Tala still had a pulse, it was faint, but it was there. Kai pulled out his mobile and dialed 000, asking for an ambulance. Tala’s eyes opened, just a crack. He looked up at Kai, and said “Don’t.” Kai was stunned. How could his best friend be feeling like this and not have him pick up on it. Kai looked Tala in the eyes and repeated “don’t you fucking dare,” and continued giving the required information to emergency services. Tala closed his eyes and whispered again “ya lyublyu tebya Kai.” It was barely audible, but Kai heard, and it stopped him in his tracks.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion. The paramedics arriving, sticking a tube down Tala’s throat to help him breathe, putting him in the ambulance. Kai followed the ambulance at break-neck speed. He didn’t care about getting tickets, or the fact he was still covered in blood. Kai was on auto-pilot. The whole time, one sentence was echoing through his mind “Ya lyublyu tebya Kai.” It wasn’t until the doctor came into the waiting room, and told him that Tala had been lucky, that they had been able to repair the damage, that he was still unconscious due to the blood loss, and would likely remain so for a while at least, but that he would be ok, that Kai finally allowed the day’s events to catch up to him. Dropping to his knees, he sobbed, “Tala I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.” The doctor put her hand on his shoulder, and gently told him that he could go sit with Tala whenever he was ready. Kai pulled himself together and went to Tala’s room. He couldn’t help letting out a small gasp of surprise when he saw Tala lying in the hospital bed. He was paler than the sheets, hooked up to numerous monitors and IV lines. He looked so…vulnerable. In all the years they had known each other, through all the beatings, rape and torture at the hands of Boris, Kai had never seen Tala look so helpless. He sat down next to the bed and clasped Tala’s hand in his own, not caring who saw, and made a confession of his own. “Tala, ya lyublyu tebya, vsegda yest, vsegda budet. Ya by skazal vam chto kazhdyi den ot dnya vstretil tebya.”

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A/N – WHOA! Holy angst Batman!! I promise the next few chapters will lighten up a bit!
Translations
ya lyublyu tebya - I love you
ya lyublyu tebya, vsegda yest, vsegda budet. Ya by skazal vam chto kazhdyi den ot dnya vstretil tebya - I love you, always have, always will. I should have told you that every day from the day I met you.
Also, Russian is so much sexier when actually written in the Russian alphabet, or spoken. It kinda loses a bit of its magic when being written in the English alphabet.
My very first fic! Pretty please review for me? Constructive criticism muchly appreciated. Flames will be used to toast marshmallows. Please be gentle *is nervous*
Tags: !fiction, character: kai, character: tala, pairing: kai/tala
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